==> Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA and you can’t sleep.
Jesus, how long have you just been laying there? Oh yeah, you remember you’d decided to stop keeping track of that shit.
Breathing slowly and deeply, you turn to stare at the ceiling. Your view was slightly obscured by your large velvet canopy, but it wasn’t a big deal. You still have a pretty good view of what you wanted to see. The soft radiance from the fuck ton of glow in the dark stars you had stuck to your ceiling gave you comfort. They did for as long as you’ve had them, which is since you were fuckin’ born as far as you were concerned.
You remain transfixed for a moment longer before shifting your position in bed for the umpteenth time. At this point, sleep is something you couldn’t even bother yourself to hope for.
As much as you wished you could be at your current situation, you couldn’t. For reasons as being your chill motherfucking self, you simply aren’t apt to gettin’ mad and shit. Also probably because you’ve just worn out all of your negative feelings on the matter already.. It’d just be a waste of your energy.
You can’t remember much about your childhood, but your sleeping patterns have been this sporadic for as long as you can recall.
You still aren’t entirely sure why your sleeping schedule is so out of fucking wack, but you could venture a guess as to what catalyzed it.
When you were still just a budding little motherfucker in your early years of middle school, all the shit going on with your home life just seemed to get worse and worse. There were extensive periods of time where your dad would just.. leave. When he’d go and how long he’d be gone always varied — as if it weren’t enough that you couldn’t rely on him to be there, you couldn’t even rely on how long he’d be gone. Sometimes he bothered to dub his trips “business trips,” but more often than not, he didn’t seem to be bothered to give a shit.
It never left your mom in a well state… but of course, how could it? She’d be too worried to do proper activities, and so upset she’d snap and become agitated at even the most trivial of things. But what really stuck with you was the image of her spindly, cold hands shaking near-violently whenever she stroked your hair to soothe the pair of you. In your recollection, the closest match of her voice you could play back in your head was with that overpowering tremble that came from the bottom of her throat. Even through all of the anxiety, you could tell that she tried to keep it hidden. She so desperately wanted to be able to be strong enough for the both of you… You’d always admired her for that.
Things had already gotten well out of hand by the time your mom decided she was done. Done with everything, and all the bullshit she was going through. It was definitely for the best, you thought, but you weren’t expecting things to turn out quite how they did.
Your father had been home for a whole six consecutive days by the time she got the muster to say anything. But what she said, you’ll never know.
Nothing about school that day stuck out as significant to you. It was just another more-than-average milling school day of skidding by on bare minimum and dicking around with your palls.
Walking home from the bus stop, you didn’t initially notice anything remotely out of the ordinary. Wearing your signature slouch, you allowed your head to droop and your rather unkempt hair slid from under the confines of your hoodie and out in front of your eyes. This didn’t really matter to you, probably due to the fact that your eyelids were so heavy that they had you shifting back and forth between consciousness. You were going on your fourth day of not having slept, and it was usually around day three that things start going hazy. You were completely relazed, embracing your current state of mind.
It wasn’t until the sound of a sharp crunch under your foot made its way up to your ears that you realized something was off.
Practically fighting yourself to lift your eyelids open, you looked up, lazily pushing your hood back and stopped dead in your tracks. What the hell were you looking at?
You remained still as you took in the scene you were just presented with.
The screen was popped out of the front door, the door itself hung haphazardly from its hinges. The patio table was knocked over, and trailing sparingly from it were shards of broken glass. Instinctively your eyes darted back to your own feet, and you discover sparkling pieces beneath your foot.
It took you more than a good minute to process all of this. What in the name of fuck happened?
Slowly you brought your gaze back up to lay on the man at the center of this mess.
Your father sat unmoving on the porch step, forehead in one hand and cigarette in the other.
The first thing you felt was anger. Your lips parted, you wanted to scream and yell and cuss at him, but no words came out. You didn’t know exactly what you’d have said, anyway. Your mind was reeling, working harder than what was usually comfortable. “What the ever loving fuck.” was all you could manage.
No response came from your father, but you notice his shoulders slump lower and his fingertips curl, gripping tight on his hair. Was he… honestly upset?
You took a few halfhearted steps toward him, for lack of a better idea of what to do in that second. He still said nothing, but took several more drags of his cigarette.
A few more silence filled seconds pass before a noise made by your father cuts through the quiet. That’s all it was: a noise. Something that would have otherwise been incomprehensible in terms of words, but you knew exactly what that pain-filled sough was. Your dad was chocking back tears.
You took another step toward him, suddenly overwhelmed with pity and what might have been concern. “Dad…?” You had no idea what to say.
It didn’t take much time to pass before he broke down right in front of you.
“She left us, Gam… She just motherfucking up and left us…” His voice quaking, he didn’t even look at you when he spoke. You could see his face twist and distort from the strain.
For a second you forgot how to breathe.
Your entire body went rigid and the life was vacuumed out of you. How could it be true? Suddenly you felt more exhausted and weak than you had in your entire life. But you thought… You thought she’d take you with her.
And fuck, a lump started to set up camp in the back of your throat.
You squeezed your eyes shut and clenched your fists, it felt like you’d been walloped in the stomach. Repeatedly.
Before you had any time to stop yourself, the first tear rolls down your cheek.
((So this happened? I started it off with intentions of it only being about a paragraph.. Oh. I don’t know what happened u_u Ummmmmmmmmm I guess this can be a sort of back story and it’s only part way of what I have in mind so I guess this is part one.
It was my thoughts on how I’d translate goat dad into the whole human thing? I guess. hurp. And before you go jumpin to conclusions he doesn’t leave for so long to cheat. goat dad isn’t a cheater k. it’ll be explained in due time.
Oh god aahh I’ve lost control of my life. Okay. I cried while writing this lolol.
This is really long I should’ve done a read more ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ oh well
Okay I’m done now. OLLIES OUTIE~))